Parenting Reframe

Many parents struggle with finding appropriate consequences for challenging and defiant behaviors. In therapy, we help parents find new ways to teach their children about accountability. A strategy I have found to be helpful with my parent clients is using restorative justice.

Restorative justice refers to the process of holding an offender accountable for the harm they caused and engaging them in repairing the damage their actions have done. The strategy originates from the criminal justice system but has been effectively used in schools nationwide. It serves as an alternative method of disciplining and can help prevent parents from responding to problem behaviors too permissively or punitively.

To use this method, I coach parents on staying regulated while confronting their child and how to communicate the process calmly. Parents must maintain a neutral affect while presenting the discipline to the child. The parent then helps the child understand how their behaviors impacted the family as a whole and engage the child in finding solutions to repair the upset. I have seen significant improvements in children’s functioning when they have opportunities to participate in the healing and repair process versus it being a one-and-done consequence. Remember, it’s not just about stopping unwanted behavior; it is also an opportunity for teaching.