Executive Functioning- Why Your Kids Need it
In this blog, we will discuss executive functioning and how executive functioning struggles in children will appear in everyday life. My goal is to assist you in determining if your child is having these difficulties and to learn how to help them.
But first, a PSA TO PARENTS
If your child is forgetful and doesn’t complete tasks, has challenges managing emotions, or struggles with time, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can teach your child Executive Functioning skills. Parent Coaching helps parents regulate their emotions and promote the skills in the home environment.
So, what is Executive Functioning? It is the cognitive processes that enable us to plan, focus, remember, and execute tasks, to put it plainly. It includes:
Impulse control
Emotional regulation
Organization
Flexible thinking
Working memory
Self-monitoring
Planning and prioritizing
Task initiation
Focus
Observation
Distress tolerance
Now that you are familiar with the core features of executive functioning (EF) skills, here are some common instances where parents can witness the effects of underdeveloped executive functioning. Remember that the EF challenges are not limited to these examples and can be seen in all areas of an individual’s functioning.
1. Homework time.
Ah, a beloved time of the day when parents must dedicate time to make their children do schoolwork outside school hours.
For kids with EF struggles, this time of the day can be brutal for both the kid and parent. You and your child may dread this daunting task, filled with fighting, tears, resistance, and meltdowns. You are likely to be confused as to why they are having trouble getting it over with and try to reason with them that once they are done, they can enjoy the rest of their night. While this is a logical statement, and kids understand the logic, they don’t have the tools to start and finish to get to the next steps if they struggle with EF skills.
2. Grade checks.
With today’s technology, most parents get daily updates about missing assignments, poor grades, and incomplete work. Parents are put in a bind here. They need to address the issues and then deal with the reactions from their kids. Unfortunately, these problems occur frequently for kids who have underdeveloped EF.
Many clients experience their children becoming defensive, blaming others for the grade or missing assignment, lying, or making excuses once confronted. 99% of the time, these kids aren’t doing this with the intent to be challenging or disrespectful; it’s because they don’t have the skills to plan, manage time, or have a system to remember assignments.
3. Chores.
Though not every child who struggles to stay on top of chores is deficient in EF, if this challenge is present along with the others listed, it indicates that your child would benefit from learning and practicing executive functioning skills.
I know many of you reading this are thinking, ‘Of course, chores are a problem.’ You may have tried to use a chore chart or set up alarms to remind your kids of these tasks, but I am willing to bet that you have to verbally remind them repeatedly. When these responsibilities go uncompleted, many parents take it offensively, some seeing it as disrespectful. You have put time and energy into finding a way to help them get it done but aren’t seeing the desired outcomes or effort on their part! While these are great tools, children won’t benefit unless they have the executive functioning skills necessary to use them and a parent who can identify the difference between defiance and EF discrepancies.
4. Getting to school.
We have all experienced forgetfulness, but when this becomes chronic and occurs over simple daily tasks, take that as an indication that your child’s executive functioning isn’t working correctly. Most clients report forgetfulness issues when getting kids off to school in the mornings.
They find themselves frequently saying:
“Did you brush your teeth?” “
Where is your water bottle?”
“Why didn’t you grab your lunch?” “
Where’s your coat?”
I think you get the picture!
If the situations I described sound familiar and cause conflict and distress in the home, take that as an indicator to seek professional help.
How can my services help your family?
For parents:
Effective ways for parents to teach their children routines, planning, and time management are imperative. In parent coaching, you will learn how to stay calm and create an effective system for your mornings.
You will acquire strategies such as sequencing, organization, and predictability, reducing the verbal reminders you give your kids to move on to the next task.
Parents will gain more confidence in dealing with these challenges and limit reactions that leave them with guilt.
You will have a new understanding of your child’s behaviors and be able to separate defiance from lacking EF skills.
For children:
Kids will also gain more confidence and improve their understanding of their brains.
Relationships between the child and parent strengthen, and daily task conflict becomes less emotionally charged.
Children learn necessary skills to make their lives easier and set them up for success when meeting new developmental tasks and milestones.
Your child will have more self-control and self-awareness, limiting meltdowns and increasing positive experiences by defeating challenges.
For your family:
Have more time to connect as a family.
Reduce conflict over daily tasks.
Experience more relaxing school nights.
So, if you are ready to see positive changes in your home, reach out today!
